To conquer this disease, help is needed. But most anorexics find it too humiliating to ask for help with something a child can do. The embarrassment of having to rely on someone to encourage them during a meal, hold their hand through the grocery store or, and in some cases, literally feed them can be a deal-breaker. However, a strong support system is absolutely necessary for a successful recovery. This step is designed to show you how to ask for help, and that it is a blessing to people, and not a curse.
Look for SRT: The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.
Shake off the guilt!
Guilt is a sharp and dangerous devise of the enemy. It assigns blame, and blaming yourself for inconveniencing the people around you is just what the devil wants to do. He strives to separate you, to get you alone where he can really go to work on you. But there is safety in numbers. The people closest to you love and care about you. They want to help. So ditch the guilt and remember that you are not a burden, but a blessing.
Consistency fading?
You asked once, you asked twice then you stopped asking all together. Are you wondering why you have to keep asking people for help? Because your family and friends are not mind-readers. They also don’t want to pressure you. So, it’s up to you to tell them what they need to do in order to make your life easier. Trust me, they want to reinforce you. Just keep asking.
Can’t find the words?
How to ask for help…that’s a good question. How about “will you help me with this?” It’s that easy. But if you can’t go that far yet, then write it all down. Spell it out in black and white so your support team knows exactly how they can aid you. For a more covert operation, pick a “signal” that lets them know you’re in trouble. My signal or code words were “I’m struggling.” Those were the exact words I used when I couldn’t say, “would you please tell me what to eat for lunch because my brain can’t do it for me.” And then when you hear “what can I do?” TELL THEM, even if you have to repeat yourself over and over again. This disease is a mystery to them—it’s hard for them to understand. So, don’t give up on them because they haven’t giving up on you.
Relying on only one “safe person”?
Don’t let the remorse of having to rely on one person deter you from asking others. Why not confide in 3 or 4 friends to help you? That way, if someone is unavailable to assist you with a meal or grocery shopping, another one can step in. Let’s not drop the ball simply because you have no one to pass it to. Everyone needs somebody to lean on when times get tough. You’re not asking for the world. Remember, this recovery is a team effort.
Red Lights: Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle.
Pride getting in the way?
I can hear it now. “I can do it myself! I don’t need anyone to help me.” Wrong answer! The painful truth is, if you could do it on your own, you wouldn’t be reading this book. And I’m here to tell you, you can not do this alone. It’s too difficult and it’s too risky. I’ve known women who thought they could handle it themselves—not wanting to admit they were helpless. Sadly, they’re no longer here to give you the advice I’m giving you now. There’s no room for arrogance or vanity in your treatment. Just as “Pride goes before destruction and haughtiness before a fall.” (Prov. 16:18), so “Humility and fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life.” (Prov. 22:4)
Waiting too long before asking for assistance?
It’s never too late to ask for help, but why wait for fear and frustration to set in? You know your limitations and weaknesses. If you see a rough patch of road up ahead, slow down and give the wheel to a support buddy. Losing control and giving up control are two different things. Losing control is usually never our idea and can have detrimental effects. Giving up control is a choice and can be lifesaving. I suggest the latter and in a timely fashion. Don’t wait until you’re face down. Sound the warning so your friends can keep you on your feet and moving forward.
Denying your vulnerability?
Let me just say that ‘denial’ ain’t a river in Egypt, and if you are rejecting the importance of needing help in your recovery, then you are in serious trouble. To be vulnerable is to expose the disorder and begin the healing process. To disagree that you are suffering from a potentially life-threatening disease is fear-based and a hallmark of not wanting to take responsibility to get well. But sweeping anorexia under the rug never works. It only gives it time to grow stronger until you don’t have any choices left. It ends up conquering you. Don’t deny the truth. It’s the truth that will set you free.
Letting someone else do all the work?
Dragging your feet expecting your support team will do all the work for you is a cheat. Hello! They’re not the ones with the eating disorder. Don’t rely on them to carry you through your recovery. They’re there to assist you, not to do the hard work necessary for you to get well. You’re the only one that can do that. They can only be there to catch you when you stumble. And if, by chance, you should fall, they make the landing a little easier. It’s up to you to find your way… with patience and practice.
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