Look for SRT:  The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

Making excuses for not journaling?

The only person you are going to hurt by not applying yourself to these twelve steps is you. The fear inside you is a legitimate worry. It means that you admit that you are ill, and by journaling you are asking yourself to describe the fears associated with that illness. Most likely, these are deep-seeded fears that you would just assume ignore. It’s frightening to admit you have an eating disorder; but disregarding the problem won’t make it go away. Journaling, however, will provide invaluable insight concerning your strengths as well as your weaknesses.

 Afraid to let someone read your journal?

That’s why this exercise is for your benefit alone. You don’t have to let anyone else read your journal. It is for your eyes only, to reflect upon and to track your progress. If it will make you more comfortable to purchase a diary with a lock on it, go right ahead. Just don’t let anything keep you from using it.   

 Is journaling a waste of time?   

Your main concern right now is to focus your time on getting well. If you feel like journaling is a waste of that precious resource, then ask yourself this question: What things on my busy “to do” list outweighs my own health or my life? Consider your priorities and come to terms with how important you are. This regiment requires that you complete each and every step in order to regain control of your life. Failure is not an option for you. There isn’t one step included in this program you can do without. It is all vital. None of it is wasted. 

Refusing to get real?

Make every effort to record everything as truthfully as possible. Leave nothing out and you will have an accurate roadmap—your personal diagram—of your eating behaviors. This will be extremely useful in the event of a relapse, not to mention a testimonial for other women suffering just like you.

 Still playing the perfectionist game?

No one is telling you what to write, just write. Use a pencil, pen, Magic Marker, crayon… whatever it takes to get the facts on paper. This isn’t a novel bound for the New York Times Bestseller’s List, nor is it going to wind up in your local newspaper. It can look anyway you want it to look, and say anything you want it to say—as long as it tells the truth. You will have bad days. But it’s important to track those days to discover how to ward them off. As those bad days become fewer and fewer, your ability to bounce back will grow stronger and stronger. Still, success depends upon the transparency within the pages of your journal. Be encouraged—it will get easier.

 Misplaced ideals?

Don’t treat your journal like a disinherited stepchild. Keep it near you, especially at meal times. Don’t ‘accidentally’ leave it at a friend’s house, bury it beneath a mountain of mail, or lose track of what date/day you last wrote in it. If you’ve missed a day of journaling, then you’ve misplaced the importance of this particular step. I give you full permission to hate this part of your recovery, but please don’t ignore its value. 

Red Lights:    Red Lights go one step further than Signs of Resisting Treatment in that they reveal a complacent, even careless attitude toward getting well. Don’t invite failure. Look for the triggers of relapse to prepare you in advance for a struggle.      

 Comparing your journal to others?

You may have friends that journal also, but remember… this is not a competition. You are unique and have your own reasons for keeping a diary. And if, by some strange coincidence, you know of someone who is journaling their diet, give them your blessing and let it go. You are not under any obligation to share your journal with them, nor is it a good idea to read theirs. Fix your eyes on the prize… it’s just for you!    

Getting lazy with your homework?

It’s easy to let each day melt into the next, but when your journal begins to sound like it has the hiccups, your focus has run amuck. Redundant, repetitive dialog won’t help you in the long run. I’m not saying that you won’t have the same thread of emotions woven through your days, but you’ll need to be a bit more specific in what is making you feel that way. Be it anxiety, anger, confusion, or just plain weariness, make the conscious effort to explain those emotions and why you are feeling them. Don’t get sloppy with your homework. There will be a test. You can count on it.

Look for SRT: The following signals or Signs of Resisting Treatment can help earmark where you are struggling the most.

 Keeping a scale in the home?

If you had to make a choice between tossing a favorite dress in the garbage or throw away your scales, which one would have to go? Which one would you miss more? I’m thinking that you would sacrifice a closet full of dresses before you would ever part with your best friend/worst foe—your scales. A word of advice… let the scales go. You will gain a sense of freedom that will quicken your recovery and flatten a mountain of anxiety.

Ritualistic weighing such as first thing every morning?

Believe me, there is nothing written on that scale that is so important it needs to be read every single day. Let your designated accountability person—doctor, parent, sibling, or friend—deal with the numbers so you can concentrate on getting well.

Stepping on the scale multiple times for one reading?

Repetitive, obsessive behavior is exactly what we’re trying to break free of. There are too many other things you need to spend your energy on; not preoccupying your time and mind with old, unhealthy habits.

Communicating weight in fractions—1/2 of a pound?   

Control and perfection are two key motivators that keep you tied to your disease. Precise, meticulous weight-readings counting every ounce to the nearest fraction is no way to win the scales war. Come to terms… no one is perfect, not even you—and that’s okay.

 Treating the scale with attachment?

Remember, your scale is a machine, and one that provokes you into starvation mode. It’s not a friend, a cohort, or love interest. It’s a mechanism that has no idea what you’re going through. So, stop treating it better than you’re treating yourself.  

Disrobing completely before weighing?

Ah, the intimacy and trust you’ve developed with your scale is truly breathtaking. But come on, the devotion to please this companion—including stripping off every ounce of clothing—is what will send you to an early grave. Give up the courtship. You can (and you will) survive without it. 

Red Lights:    Knowing the triggers for relapse can give you a heads-up for a struggle waiting just around the corner. Instead of walking head-on into a fist-to-cuffs fight, go the extra mile to avoid it. Again, you have better things to do with your energy than to wrestle with a mute point. Weighing is no longer a part of your job description.     

 Temperamental about the doctor’s scale?

Remember, the numbers deduced from these scales have a tendency to run higher by two or three pounds than the scales at home. It would be a good idea to just turn around with your back to the scale. Why get excited over a couple of extra pounds that, inevitably, are the answer to gaining back your health. Please, don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s only a number. 

 Secretly using a friend’s or family member’s scale?

It may not look like your scale, it may not have the same shape, numeral font, or color, but it does the very same thing: it drags you away from the weight you need to gain. Stick to the doctor’s office for scheduled, supervised weigh-ins. This will give your new eating habits a chance to register on the scale without subconscious retaliation or self-sabotage.

Reading magazine articles that promote weight loss diets?

Health & Fitness magazines along with fashion mags can spotlight diets that guarantee pounds off; this can fire-up the desire to try out new weight loss techniques. Make a commitment to avoid fashion and Health & Fitness magazines for now. Your focus should be on food, not someone else’s waistline.

Using scales at the gym or other public facilities?

Any and all scales are off limits, no matter where they reside (excluding the physician’s office). Fight the craving to weigh.

Symptoms of SRT:    The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

 Nothing sounds good?

Probably not, since you’ve compromised your menu and whittled it down to include a few sparse items. Unfortunately, not much is going to sound good at first. So, grab your friend, mother, sister, brother, or coworker and head to the super market. I think you’ll be amazed at what you’ve been missing. There will be food on those grocery store shelves that you had all but forgotten, and that are dying to make a comeback at mealtime. Remember macaroni and cheese? How about lasagna, or pizza? You remember pizza, don’t you? Fish sticks & Tater Tots? Just keep in mind that you can eat absolutely anything your eyes land on, and your stomach yearns for. The next chapter will help you with this.

 Losing track of time?

I know how that goes—you find yourself running late to wherever it is you’re going to and before you know it half the day is over and you’ve forgotten to eat. But I have an outstanding way to remind you. It’s call an alarm clock!  Yes, a good ole fashioned windup or battery driven clock that will sound off at the pre-designated times you set for it. Auh… the miracles of modern technology.    

Forget to set the alarm?   

Nice try. Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, and any number of other stores carry digital wrist watches that have built-in alarms. Now you can set that handy little timepiece to go off every four hours and you’ll never miss another meal again.

 Schedule out of sync?

If you are attempting to manage your day—let alone your meals—around someone else’s schedule, I have one thing to say to you: forget about it! You are your own entity. Coordinating extracurricular activities with a friend is one thing, but trying to backstroke an entire ocean next to your friend on the luxury liner is another. What happens in your day is every bit as important as what happens in someone else’s day. Do not compromise your eating schedule trying to “fit in” with another person who is not struggling with this disease. You won’t be doing them any favors by drowning.  

 Just plain not hungry?

Your puny deflated stomach has been waiting for this day for a long, long time. It has been sending a message to your brain—S.O.S.—which you, in all your benevolence, have deemed unimportant and have chosen to override… until now. Now, you will have to deactivate that message that’s been telling your brain “I’m not hungry, I’m not hungry…” Believe me when I tell you, your body really IS hungry. God never designed you to starve; that’s why He provided His children with manna everyday low those forty years in the desert. But the record in your head that’s been scratched and keeps playing “I’m not hungry” needs to be broken into a thousand pieces to be heard from no more. In short… your body is crying for food. Feed it!

 Red Lights:    Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle.      

 Refusing to eat all three meals?

Let’s take a minute to think about this. We know that food is an absolute requirement for survival, and eating three times a day for the vast majority of people is not an outrageous idea. So, why would you think that eating those three meals is excessive for you? Food is tasted, chewed, swallowed, digested, sifted for nutrients, and excreted. The process is repeated millions of times during a single lifetime. There is nothing appalling or even astonishing about it. With every thought that enters your mind regarding overindulgence or gluttony, you simply must combat it with a rational attitude and the Word of God. Don’t let the enemy talk you out of eating. He’s deceived and stolen from you long enough.    

 Neglecting to prepare a menu?

It’s easy for a blind man to stumble when he refuses to use his cane. Think of your menu as the riffle aimed at your disease and the food is the bullet in the chamber. It is the source that propels your cure. It is an absolutely necessity in order for you to complete this exercise, and it will have costly effects if you don’t faithfully create a meal plan for yourself. Don’t let this one thing hinder you from achieving this truly important goal.     

Eating the same thing daily?

At first, okay. It’s completely understandable to want to eat what is well within your comfort zone. But don’t turn it into a habit that will be hard to break. You’re endeavoring to escape from old habits to embrace new freedom. Let’s not attempt to shoot down your eating disorder with the same ammunition used to enable it—habitual behaviors. I challenge you to spread your wings and sore to new heights. You’ll see more clearly above those clouds of repetition.

Look for SRT:   The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

 Got a case of picky-britches?

Remember, you’re supposed to be choosing food that you can lean on in tough times, not cause you strife. Don’t get bogged down with your emotions. The fact is you have to eat something. Why not bite the bullet (or in your case, the bagel) and make this as easy on yourself as possible. So don’t get picky, pick anything! 

 Guilty pleasures?

Don’t let feelings of guilt steal the pleasure out of finding something you actually like to eat. We’re here to create a ‘guilt-free’ food list, so let’s figure out what food is the easiest for you to consume both emotionally and physically. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Remember, the food on your list can save your life.         

 Like making things tough?   

Maybe if you drag your feet on the ‘easy’ stuff you might even manage to sabotage your entire recovery. Is that what you want? I didn’t think so. You should be looking at this exercise as the “good part.” No one is telling you what to eat. You get to choose what appeals to you. Things aren’t that bad when you look at them with renewed perspective. 

 Monotony getting you down?

Ask your friends what they like to eat. It might strike a cord. I’m always watching cooking shows on television, trying new grocery stores, and asking other people what they like to eat. Try a new restaurant today and order something you’ve never had before.

 Red Lights: Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle.   

Hung up on hot and cold?

Now, you’re reaching. There is nothing disastrous about eating all cold food or all hot food. Right now, the idea is just eating food in whatever form you prefer. If non-heated food is easier for you to handle, then cold it is. This is a psychological battle you’re fighting. Don’t let food temperature give you grief. Disregard the norm—what everyone else is eating—and do what’s best for you and your recovery.

 Does nutrition count?

You’re not training for a decathlon, you are learning how to pick up one foot and place it in front of the other. The object is to hold a nice steady pace, and gain a few pounds. Nutrition will follow when the habit of eating returns. Let’s just concentrate on one step at a time. In the end, you’ll have a steady, healthy menu that treats your body right.

Look for SRT:  The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

 Forgetting old friends?

If you’ve managed to forget such old friends as blue berry pancakes with butter and maple syrup, or cheese ravioli with Alfredo sauce and garlic bread then it’s high time you blew the dust off your little black cookbook and got reacquainted. Seriously! Take a trip to your local bookstore and hangout in the cooking section. The covers on the books alone (these days) will fan that small spark into an outright Chocolate Forest Cake fire.      

 Food labels gotcha down?

New rule: No more combing through labels that provide information that doesn’t apply to you. That means all labels. They’re too depressing and misleading. Just because something appears to be ‘fattening’ by what’s written on the label may in fact be quite healthy, not to mention necessary for someone dealing with anorexia. Be daring—don’t look!       

 Guilty by association?   

Just because your 180 lb. Aunt Eloise eats spaghetti doesn’t mean that you are ever going to weigh 180 lbs. It’s not fair to convict a double cheese burger of recklessly endangering your waistline when it’s dear Uncle Milton who is carelessly packing away a DCB’s everyday that should be concerned. Chances are you will never be able to gain that kind of weight.       

 Conditioned by restriction?

Scenario: You go out to a hotdog stand for lunch with friends, and while they’re piling on the mayo, mustard, onions, and pickle relish you are busy wrapping your dog in a paper towel to soak up the grease, and tossing the bun in a nearby trashcan. Now you’re left with about six ounces of pork (you hope) and trying to sell your flimsy excuse to people who are supposed to be helping you. Why? Because you still think your Taboo List is in full swing. Stop the madness! Top that dog with trimmings and eat that bun. You’ll feel better.

 Red Lights:    Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle.      

 Eating more but not new?

Think you’re being slick by eating a little more, just not off of your Taboo List? If so, you’re missing the point of step five. Your ‘can not eat’ list has more on it than a Denny’s dinner menu. To remedy this, once a day try to incorporate something off of that list into your meal planner. Start with the least threatening item and slowly work your way through it until there is nothing left. Remember everything you’ve deemed “Taboo” can be terrific if you’ll just give it a chance.  

 Lying about your list?

Giving into lies only leads to a longer recovery and a guilty conscience. You can’t fake cancer remission anymore than you can tell yourself that you’re not afraid of eating French fries and then avoiding them like they were poison. If you didn’t like French fries to begin with, then they wouldn’t be on your Taboo List, right? Don’t be a phony. Be truthful with yourself and others. 

Trading ‘Taboo’ foods?

It’s easy to exchange one kind of food for another. If you are forced to eat something that you think is ‘bad’ you tend to compensate by not eating something that is ‘good.’ However, the objective of this fifth step is to incorporate your Taboo List with your new menu. The list should be getting smaller without sacrificing your easy food. Don’t play the food exchange game. 

Still shopping solo?

This tells me one thing: you’re either anxious about letting someone see what you are buying, or anxious about letting someone see what you are not buying. In my own experience, when I began to shop, I thought spending more than twenty dollars a week on food was selfish. I was afraid people would think I was being excessive. But by not allowing friends to see what I was buying only enabled me to deny myself of what I needed the most. Moral of this story: You’ll do better with company.

Look for SRT:  The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

Primping vs. squishing?

If you’re spending more than your usual thirty to forty-five minutes on hair, make-up, and girl stuff then you must have your eyes on a loftier goal—like perfection. Pinching, squeezing, and squishing every inch of your nonexistent fat isn’t exactly a sound mental exercise. Stick to the basics and limit your ‘squeezing’ to the grocer’s produce section. 

 Heroes on your Hip-o-meter?   

No human being is perfect. But, positive role models that are a beautiful, healthy weight will help you to realign your sights. The only role models taped to your bathroom mirror (or stuck to your refrigerator door) should be those over 125 pounds. Kate Moss? Sorry, girl, you gotta go. Tyra Banks? Now you’ve got the picture!

 How’s your neck?

Craning to see if your bum has managed to somehow double in size overnight will only get you a quick trip to the chiropractor and a longer recovery time. Instead of viewing the front, then the back, side, back, other side, back, front, back, back, back… try front, side, back, nod… out the door. Wasn’t that easy?

 Too much to take in?

Try trading in that full-length mirror for a smaller one; say a hand-held size? No, I’m not attacking your vanity, quite the opposite. We’re ‘looking’ at the bigger picture—no pun intended. It’s your obsession to nit-pick that is the trouble. Wasting time staring at those tiny curves and ripples will only hinder your recovery. Give up on head-to-toe self-evaluations and go live life.

 Red Lights:    Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle. 

Reflection of anxiety?

If you see more in the mirror today than the person you just saw yesterday—such as panic or even dread—then it’s time to go back and have a look at the real you. Dig through an old photo album and find an image of yourself when you were strong and whole. Meditate on that image and recall what it was like to be happy at a healthy weight. There is nothing to be afraid of if you focus on the truth.

Multiple mirror visits?

Too much of anything can have its downsides, and obsessing over what you look like five pounds heavier won’t win you any awards. Checking countless times a day to see whether or not your face looks any fuller or if your inner thighs have finally found each other is clearly a red light that requires a two-footed break-stop and an immediate U-turn. Resist the continuous urge to watch the weight gain, and spend more time enjoying the things you now have the energy to do.

 Hiding something?

Stashing your mirror is like having a closet drug habit. The minute you shut the door and you’re all alone with your dependency, you indulge to your heart’s content. You think that no one need know where you keep your paraphernalia or how often you indulge. Sadly, the only eyes you’re pulling the wool over is your own. Let’s keep things out in the open. At this stage of the game, being sneaky—attempting to hide your habit from others—is a good way to derail your recovery completely. Don’t play games. Keep your weaknesses visible so others can help you.

 The Naked Truth

Standing buck naked in front of my mirror (or next to naked) to search for any sign of failure is less than inspiring or affirming. Why did I do it?  Because I was sick with a disease that is extremely hard to control. And like me, you are afflicted with the same disease that makes you do things that you don’t want to do—like examining every square inch wondering why you appear so much heavier than you really are. The answer? Come to terms with the fact that you may never truly be happy with your appearance. But, eventually, I think you will. Just give it time.

Look for SRT:  The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

 Comfort zone a little cramped?

The only way to establish new ground is to push the outer limits. Yes, it’s going to be a tad uncomfortable at first, but the more you stretch the more you’ll grow—repetition is the key. Each time you do something that extends passed your comfort level, you are setting a new boundary. As you successfully accomplishing new ventures, you’ll strengthen your confidence to achieve even more. Just keep stretching.

 Are you canceling more than committing?

Even the best of intentions are useless if that is all they will ever be. And, if you’re doing your homework, that means you are accepting invitations, and making room for family and friends to take part in your new social life. Just don’t overextend yourself, and that will keep cancellations to a minimum.

 Food not the only fear factor?   

I know it can take a lot less than food to spark anxiety, so take things slow. Remember that you are discovering who you truly are, and like any expedition into uncharted territory, there may be things that trigger some fear: like walking into a crowded place, or even just sitting in traffic. Breathe deep and know that you are never alone. God inhabits you. He is with you, guiding your every step. He didn’t give you a spirit of fear, but deposited enough power, love, and self-control to see you through anything. Remember who you truly are.

 What time is it? Time to go!

Okay, so you’re out at a restaurant or at someone’s home and you suddenly feel the urge to flee. The best way to ward off these seemingly inescapable attacks is to plan in advance. How long you are going to stay? Thirty minutes, one hour, two. Settle on a time—a goal that feels acceptable—and stick to it. Eventually, there will no longer be a need to worry. You’ll enjoy every minute.  

 Red Lights:    Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle. 

Does a simple invitation set off your in alarm?

Maybe we need to move a little slower. How about if you do the inviting for a couple of months? Yes, you still have to go out to lunches, dinners, movies, etc., but you figure out when and where and with whom. This should cut down on the “fear factor” of the unexpected. Choose places that are familiar, and times that give you a sense of security—whether it’s in the morning on a weekend or a week day evening—you make the call. This is your recovery. Make it work for you. 

 Are you always in the driver’s seat?

For the longest time, I always had to be the one driving, literally. It gave me the power to leave any time I wanted. And if that is what’s needed to get you up and out, then so be it. Don’t feel bad about not joining the car pool or sharing a ride with a friend. Sharing a ride is fun only when you’re emotionally ready for it. Until then, there’s nothing wrong with telling someone that you’ll meet them at a designated place. Believe me, they won’t care who’s driving just as long as they can enjoy your company.

 Not meeting your weekly quota?

A busy social calendar is no laughing matter. It’s tough to go out and pretend you’re having a good time when it’s all you can do just to put your feet on the floor every morning.  The thing that you have to keep telling yourself is … “I have to stretch in order to strengthen.” No one’s saying that you have to be the life of the party. All that’s required of you is to show up—twice a week, then three and four things a week. After that, there’s no stopping you. Wait and see.

 More than two a crowd?

Whoever invented the saying “The more the merrier” never had to deal with social anxiety. Sometimes there’s only room for two, like playing chess (that’s a joke!). But if we’re talking about attending a football game, or going out dancing with friends, you can bet there’s going to be a few more people joining you. What helped me reenter social situations was bringing along someone that I really trusted; someone that would take care of me even when things around me seemed uncontrolled. I think you’ll agree that this is the perfect fix to an otherwise overwhelming predicament. So, the next time you go out into the big crazy world, take a friend along that understands your concerns and will have no problem accommodating your unique needs.

Look for SRT:  The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

 Expecting perfection?

If your goal is to meet every expectation—grocery shop every Saturday, cook every meal, and make every social function without the slightest sign of struggle—then you’re either super hero or your expectations are completely skewed. No one coming out of an eating disorder could possibly live up to such high demands—not even you. It’s time you faced facts: you’re every bit as human, i.e. imperfect, as the next person. It’s time to realize that struggling is not a sign of weakness as much as it is a sign of determination.   

 Down in the dumps?

Don’t beat yourself up just because you missed dinner the last three nights in a row. It’s good to get tough on yourself, but only if it is constructive and encouraging at the same time. Please, don’t let yourself slide into a funk, which will only perpetuate guilt that keeps you bound. Be optimistic about starting again tomorrow. You always have a clean slate in the morning.  

 Losing your focus?   

It’s easy to lose sight of your objectives when life’s hurtles are higher and more daunting than anticipated. The important thing is to concentrate on the good you have accomplished and not those slip ups that tend to bring you down. During these difficult times of teary-eyed melancholy, your support person can help you regain your fortitude to move past the temporary glitch in your program.    

 Red Lights:    Knowing the triggers for relapse can prepare you in advance for a struggle.       

Falling down on the job?

If you are finding refuge from this recovery in the apathy of defeat, I have one word for you: Forgetaboutit! That’s just too easy an answer for a disease that is so uncompromising. And giving up to a disorder that has abused you like anorexia, well… I can’t believe you are ready to just accept last place. This race takes some endurance, but the longer you move forward, the quicker you’ll make it to that finish line. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… DON’T GIVE UP!  

 Checking in with your support person?

Ideally, your partner in crime would like to help you out of hot water before you reach the boiling point. Don’t wait until you have been reduced to tears before seeking them out. Go to your friend, parent, co-worker, or whoever that designated person is who understands the power of what you’re dealing with. They’re there because they care, and want to see you well. Don’t feel that your woes are not worthy to voice.  You are important and so is the path to your recovery.   

 Gotta stubborn streak?

So, you’re not too crazy about the thought of moving forward? Frankly, I know firsthand how comfortable it is to remain in your disorder. It’s familiar, it’s gratifying, and it’s something you’re really good at! But this is no time to slam on the breaks. Life’s too short to cheat yourself out of the amazing gifts God has waiting for you at the other end of all this. If you have an obstinate nature, good for you! Now use that tenacity to break new ground. Put it to work for you and make it over this last mountain top. The Promised Land is closer than ever.

Symptoms of SRT:    The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery.  

 How full is full?

Remember, running out of room is the object of this exercise. And arguing about it isn’t going to make it any less agonizing. Yes, this is the toughest part of your journey. I’m asking you to go above and beyond your limits. To fill your stomach until you are physically uncomfortable. It’s call being full. And if you can do this, you are well on your way to gaining back your freedom. Just keep pressing in. Eat and then keep eating. Don’t stop until you think you can’t eat another bite… then take another bite. You can do it!    

 Tearful ceremony?

Not even tears will make this easier, only time. Time and your own will to overcome what “feels” right. Think about it… feeling empty, hollow, weak with pangs of hunger is not right. It feels right because you’ve made that feeling an extension of your psychological pain. It’s an outlet; a creative channel for your control to abide in. Take that feeling away, and your pain has nowhere to go but up and out. It’s okay. Cry your eyes out! In fact, I suggest that you do. Get it all out until the clouds clear away and you can see what you’re trying to achieve. Freedom.     

 Having a mental block?   

Yes, the mere thought of pushing those comfortable boundaries would put any self-respecting anorexic into a panic. Everything shuts down. You can’t think, you can’t feel, you can’t move… it’s like you don’t exist. But you do! You are worth every bite of food that it takes to fill you up. Stop denying yourself what everyone else accepts and enjoys freely… life.  

 Less than consistent?

Are you thinking what I think you’re thinking? One meal on overdrive is enough for today. Not so fast. Increasing your breakfast and backing off on lunch and dinner is not going to do the job, my friend. This exercise is all about consistency, pressing passed your comfort zone of “not enough” and into the uneasy state of “way too much.” Of course, it’s not too much for someone who’s been eating regular meals their whole life. And soon, it won’t be for you, either. Just treat every meal with the same conviction and you’ll make it to the finish line sooner.      

 Red Lights:   Reveals possible relapse triggers and how to avoid them.

Too much on your plate?

Okay, easy does it. Don’t set yourself up to fail. Take it nice and slow and remember this is a healing process, not a lesson in abuse. You are only required to take a few bites more than you would usually eat. Try that for the next week. Then, push that envelope even more, and take a few more bites, and just keep going until you’re there. Where is there? It’s the place where family and friends consume an average amount of food and not feel guilty. Make that your target over the next few months.     

 Depression rather than digestion?

I know what you’re feeling, and you’re right. It IS depressing! You are sick and undergoing treatment. It’s hard, and painful, and at times you feel that you just can’t do it. What you forget is that you’ve been doing something much tougher for a very long time. You’ve lived an incredibly difficult lifestyle, starved and suffered and you’re still here to talk about it. You’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. Better days are on the way. Just hang on.    

Don’t forget to breath

Remember, you have the plenty of time to eat your meal. Eating too fast—for anyone—isn’t a good idea. And if you’re thinking it would suit you better to just get it over with, remember food takes about 20 minutes to hit your stomach and register in the brain. Eat too fast, and you won’t know the damage until it’s too late. Give yourself a few minutes to find the perfect stride. Enjoy your food. Look at it, smell it, taste it, and appreciate it. It’s God’s gift to you.

Symptoms of SRT:    The following Signs of Resisting Treatment will help you push through the emotional barriers that may try to derail your recovery. Let’s reevaluate your value.  

 Can’t take a compliment?

When was the last time you simply said, “thank you” when someone paid you a compliment? Did you look the person in the eye and let them know you appreciated it? Did you believe what they said, or did the blood rush to your face as you turned away with embarrassment? Yeah, I know. It’s difficult to smile and agree with someone that you feel is 100% wrong. But did it ever occur to you that they might be right? Next time someone affirms you with a compliment, meet their gaze and thank them for it. They’ll be blessed, and I bet you will too. 

 Listening to destructive self-talk?

It’s that little voice inside your head that never has a positive word to say. Internal, sarcastic humor is common, and there’s some therapeutic relief that comes with it. But unhealthy inner dialogue that chips away at confidence and self-respect can only hurt you. When you hear that voice telling you “you’re fat; this is hopeless; you’re never going to be good enough; why not end it?” just remember your true identity and tell the enemy to get lost. Replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. Resist the devil and he will flee. Resist and you win.    

Cooking for others and not eating a bite?

The pot on the stove is boiling… the oven is heated with something delectable about to go in. Is it your favorite meal? Is it even leftovers from last night? No, it’s food you couldn’t care less about because IT’S NOT FOR YOU! I’ve seen it before, the “feed everyone in the house to look normal” syndrome. Then you’ll put the meal out on the table and sit and watch as it’s devoured with nothing in front of you but a cup of Jell-O. It’s always confused me how anorexics can cook without eating. But if you are one of those proud few who have never stopped preparing food, then there’s nothing to stop you from putting that yummy eggplant parmesan in your mouth and swallowing it. Don’t forget the garlic bread!     

 Treat yourself like a friend!

Friends are there for each other. Friends support one another and help each other through tough times. They laugh, cry, comfort, console, assist, defend, rely on, account for, commit to, and love—sometimes more than members of their own family. How is it, then, that you are treating yourself more like a casual acquaintance than someone you truly care about? Respect yourself! Ask yourself, “would I treat my dearest friend the way I’m treating myself?” If the answer is no, then it’s time to consider the person inside you that longs for the same attention. You might be surprise what a good friend you can be.       

 Red Lights: Reveals possible relapse triggers and how to avoid them.

 No more comparisons!

Who is like you? In this entire world, there is no one that looks like you, walks like you, talks like you, thinks like you, smiles, laughs, cries, has your sense of style, sense of humor, or sense of conviction (however ill-fated). God takes great pleasure in giving all things its unique stamp, its own exclusive print. Like snow flakes that fall and melt as they touch the ground or like grains of sand lost on an endless beach—every one of them is lovely, each so small, so intricate, we can’t begin to see them to appreciate them. But God sees. They are for his enjoyment. So remember, my friend, no one else will do when it comes to being you.       

 Hanging on to harmful relationships?

It’s all about boundaries—the ones you surrender and the ones you defend. Are there people in your life that tell you how good you look at 100 pounds, or do they call you “fatty” just for a laugh? I’ve experienced both comments and neither one is funny. So for argument sake, you are too thin at 100 pounds and joking about it is entirely unacceptable. Whether these things were said in ignorance or malice, they’re destructive and will affect how you view yourself. Sever those relationships that are bringing you down, and replace them with people who understand your struggles. Set your boundaries and defend them!  

 Trust God’s validation

Do you love him? Do you trust him? Then you have to believe him. Jesus confirms you are not a mistake every time you breathe in and breathe out. He continues to justify you, even in your mistakes. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to ‘get your act together’ to hang out with him. He was nailed to a cross and bled on the ground so you could be reconciled—brought together—with him through a one-time gift of sacrifice. That’s validation. Love like that can’t be explained, it’s too big. Just believe.